tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 17, 2011 12:00am-1:05am PDT
morning america." we're always online at abcnews.com. until tomorrow, good night, america. >> dicky: tonight on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> jimmy: i just want to say something real quick. this guy gave me the finger when i came out. >> dicky: kristen wiig. >> what is this? who is that guy? >> dicky: adam scott. >> jimmy: you look very snazzy. >> i feel very snazzy. i feel pretty handsome. >> dicky: and music from the wombats. >> jimmy: charlie sheen's bracket is a mess. he has every team winning, which
>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a message about new irish spring deodorant, the deodorant that'll make your freshness legendary, not to mention, popular with the lasses. >> but don't take his word for it, listen to me, an authentic irishman. irish spring deodorant smells so good, it makes me miss my childhood in ireland. erin go bragh. >> jimmy: you're an authentic irish man? >> si. >> jimmy: i had no idea. >> yes. i was born in the rolling green hills of the emerald isle. >> jimmy: and -- [ laughter ] is guillermo a common name in ireland? >> si, it is short for guillermo'brien. see? >> jimmy: let me have a look at that. wow, it is short for that.
>> and also i got a tattoo. look. >> jimmy: you do? oh, yeah. i see. you are irish. i was positive you were a mexican, i had no idea. >> and if i wasn't irish, could i do this? hit it, lads! ♪ >> dicky: irish spring deodorant. legendary freshness that'll make you popular with the lasses. want the best st. paddy's day tips and activities? visit and "like" irish spring on facebook. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with adam scott, music from the wombats and kristen wiig. ly! dinner with the girls tonight. i really want dessert. i better skip breakfast. yep, this is all i need. [ stomach growls ] [ female announcer ] skipping breakfast to get ahead? research shows that women who eat breakfast, like the special k breakfast,
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from "parks and recreation," adam scott. and music from the wombats. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, i kid you not, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm touched. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you for showing up. and -- i just want to say something real quick. this guy gave me the finger when i came out here. he's on the show last night, my cousin sal threw his cigar into the street and i guess -- >> it was a thumb. >> jimmy: it was a thumb? i said a finger, i didn't -- i have great news.
everyone assembled here tonight is going to hollywood. or is in hollywood already. [ cheers and applause ] you realize, not so great, huh? tonight on "american idol," they are down to 12 karaoke singers here in hollywood. it was hard not to get swept up in the excitement. because the fact of the matter is one of these unpolished kids is going to go on to join the ranks of great "american idol" winners taylor hicks, ryan davis, chrissy holloway. i made the last two names up and you didn't even know. so -- contestant named casey abrams was back after having to miss the show to get a blood transfusion thursday to treat his inflammatory bowel disease. the good news is he made it to the top 12. bad news, 25 million people now know you have an inflamed bowel. tonight, each of the contestants sang a song from the year of their birth. the producers did it mostly to
remind steven tyler of how young they are. and with that said, it's time for tonight's installment of steven tyler's creepy leer of the night. >> more blues. you know more blues? you know the old blues that your mom and dad would put in there? so dig into that a little bit more. >> okay. >> okay. >> jimmy: it is creepy. really is creepy. i have to say, the creepiest part might have been the blouse he's wearing from chico's. another thing i've noticed lately on the show. it used to be dog was the number one most used word on "american idol." there were a lot of dogs. but this season, with the new judges, the dogs have been put to sleep and a new word has eclipsed it by a wide margin. and that word is "baby." >> oh, baby. >> oh, baby. >> not your thing, baby. >> sing, baby. >> going to hollywood, baby. >> do it, baby. >> all right, baby. >> yes, baby. >> baby, it was horrible. >> hi, baby.
>> it was not good, baby. >> she's a joy, baby. >> she's a baby. >> rev it up, baby. >> oh, baby. you're good, baby. >> welcome, baby. >> walk that walk, baby. >> use your illusion, baby. >> it's all good, baby. >> oh, baby. >> having a hard time, baby. >> go for it, baby. >> yo, baby. >> happy birthday, baby. >> how are you, baby? >> fly, baby. >> what do you think, baby? >> okay, baby. >> you were amazing, baby. >> good job, baby. >> nice, baby. >> came through, baby. >> let them clap, baby. >> not this time, baby, i'm sorry, baby. all for you, baby. >> i love you, too, baby. >> baby. >> baby. >> baby. >> baby. >> baby. >> baby. >> baby. >> baby. >> baby. >> baby. >> is this a baby? hi, baby. >> jimmy: that's an actual baby. that's a lot of babies. that doesn't count tonight's babies. is justin bieber holding the cue cards or something? meanwhile the only babies in the ncaa tournament come out of the
mouth of dick vitale. it's confusing to have the basketball tournament at the same time as "american idol." i filled out my brackets. somehow i have ohio state playing tia mcgee in the finals. it's going to be a mismatch. they had the second of what they are calling play-in games tonight. they keep expanding the number of teams. for years, 64 teams in the tournament. then they went to 65 and this year they jumped to 68. next year i'm hoping they let me play, i'm hoping it expands that much. last night -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you. unc asheville last night won a thriller in overtime against arkansas-little rock to earn the right to embarrass themselves against number one seed pittsburgh tomorrow. that doesn't take away from matt dicky who tied the game with a three-pointer in the fourth quarter. look at this. >> that's a good one. to tie it. no. long rebound. cunningham. they go back outside. dickey steps back. three again -- oh!
[ screaming ] >> jimmy: that's how i watch basketball, too. with my friends. [ cheers and applause ] wearing matching white shirts. president obama filled out an ncaa bracket. he does it every year. all top seeds this time. he has duke, kansas, ohio state and pittsburgh in the men's final. he has baylor, uconn, stanford and tennessee in the women's final four. really going out on a limb with this. the chairman of the republican national committee criticized the president, not for picking all favorites. but rather, he tweeted this. how can barack obama say he's leading when he puts his ncaa bracket over the budget and other pressing issues? he criticized the president for even filling a bracket out. hey, man, you realize -- you're tweeting, right? [ cheers and applause ]
that's what ashton kutcher does. meanwhile, charlie sheen's bracket is a mess. he has every -- [ laughter ] every team winning. which is impossible. [ cheers and applause ] charlie sheen -- he's announced that he's extending -- he's doing a live tour. now he's saying he's going to visit seven cities. and let me tell you something. if you only get to see one live stage show featuring a man suffering from an undiagnosed psychiatric disorder this year, i think this is the one to see, i really do. the show, the title of the show -- [ cheers and applause ] it's called "my violent torpedo of truth/defeat is not an option" show. which he stole from simon and garfunk garfunkel's reunion tour. they are going to make stops in detroit, columbus, new haven, boston and new york. the new york show is at radio city music hall. hopefully he won't try to smoke the rockettes.
[ laughter ] tickets are expensive. tickets range from $49 to $79. or, you can take your chances that charlie shows up naked and disoriented on your doorstep for free. while he's in new york. i don't know if new yorkers are going to pay to see a guy rant and rave about being a warlock with tiger blood. you can see that pretty much on any street corner all the time. [ cheers and applause ] charlie shot a promo for the tour on his website. it looks like it's going to be just about what you might expect it will be. >> dog speed my good soldiers, i gave you my word. this warlock bats 1,000%. you know by now my promises are golden. hash tag fast ball. i am bringing my violent torpedo of truth defeat is not an option show out to you in the battlefield. if you're winning, i'll see you there. trolls need not apply. you all suffer from sheenist
envy. >> jimmy: sheenist envy. he's clever, you have to say that. that smoke, by the way, did not come from a cigarette. his brain is on fire. [ laughter ] the makers of lean cuisine announced on monday they're recalling more than 10,000 pounds of frozen dinners after people reported finding hard plastic objects in those dinners. the affected products are, keep an eye out for lean cuisine fettucini al-legos. sausage, cheese and silly putty egg panini. little plastic army men and rice. the salmon and bottle caps. and lean cuisine rustic spaghetti and wiffleball. if you have that in your freezer, eat them immediately and quickly. last night on comedy central they had a roast of donald trump. they do this every year. and the way roasts used to work was, if you're a celebrity, your friends get together and make fun of you and six months later, you would do it to them. it was kind afro dating thing.
now, it's like they put a bunch of famous people in a scrabble bag and shake them and dump them out on a tv set. last night, one of the roasters was the situation from "jersey shore." and he was surprisingly horrific. he -- here he is, attempting to attack an actual comedian. anthony jesselnick. >> all right, all right, i see you looking at me over there, anthony jessel-nuts. i know you're a little hater, but i know you're a funny dude as well. i told one of your super funny jokes to a super model, and she was laughing. while i was banging her brains out with a pile of the floor on my mother's [ bleep ] mansion. i got nothing against you, man. i got nothing against you. because she's like the fifth model this week to do that. so you know what i'm saying, right? >> jimmy: they're screaming because they're scared of his -- his abs. [ applause ]
i think the point is that the situation is banging super models. i think that's what he wanted to express. and in a few years he'll be working at supermarkets, so -- [ laughter ] this is pretty crazy. a very wealthy coal baron. most coal barons are wealthy. this one is in northern china. he just bought this dog for $1.5 million. which, that's like $10 million in people money. the dog is a tibetan mastiff. it's the most expensive dog ever sold. it's one of the few breeds of dog in the world that poops dubloons of gold. and while $1.5 million might be a lot to pay for a dog they say it was delicious. i actually think there's something poetic about paying that much money for something that drinks out of a toilet. isn't there? venezuelan president hugo chavez is taking a strong stand against fake breasts. he believes that breast augmentation has become epidemic
in venezuela, become one of the boob job capitals of the world. they have 30,000 to 40,000 procedures performed there every year. he went on television to address this. he said he thinks it's monstrous. can you imagine our president talking about this? the last one, yeah, but not the one now. [ laughter ] but he said -- [ cheers and applause ] he thinks that it's monstrous that women spend money on plastic surgery when they can't make ends meet. here's why he and president clinton never got along by the way. here's a clip of the speech. he made it on a farm or something, i'm not sure. it's in spanish so we got a translator in so we can translate it. [ speaking foreign language ] >> translator: this is terrible. they're trying to convince ladies that if they don't have big bazoongas, they should be sad. you don't need to have a pinata boobie. look at the cow behind me. they have a beautiful nipples.
especially the one behind me on the left. she's very sexy. goal! venezuela. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i -- i don't know. it's a personal thing for chavez because, well, did you see what happened to his wife over the weekend? without that implant, she would be dead right now. she would. 43 heroic men volunteered to suck out the venom. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and -- thank you. one more thing. have you been watching oprah's network or cable network own? oh, my god, you're in a lot of trouble. oprah has a whole channel now, it's 24 hours a day, though comically the only show that is
not on the oprah channel is "oprah," which is still on in syndication. but her presence is felt in every show they program. you know, it could be -- it's hard to fill a whole channel with quality stuff, but i think in this case, they've got a show that promises to do just that. >> from the producers of "the gayle king show," "dr. phil," "oprah behind the scenes," "ask oprah's all stars" and "addicted to food" comes a show that brings you closer to oprah than ever before. fred willard counts oprah's shoes. >> 12,484. those are special. 12,4 -- 12,1 -- oh, [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ]! i told you to number these! >> fred willard counts oprah's shoes. only on own. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, we got a good show for you tonight. adam scott is with us. we have music from the wombats
and we'll be right back with kristen wiig, so stick around. [ cellphone vibrates ] uh, before you say anything, it was 1995. [ kenny ] it was '93. kenny, 1995 was the year the song came out. it was '93. that was your 5th year of high school. it was 1995. ha! 10 bucks says it's '93. yeah, well that's 10 bucks you're gonna have to put in my pocket. whatever. "whoomp! there it is" was '93. it was clearly nineteen ninety... kenny, the restaurant's on fire. i'll call you back. wait, wait... [ male announcer ] in the network, at&t lets your iphone talk and surf the web at the same time. [ bell dings ] sundays are just for watching football. believe that? [ thinking ] relax. you ordered off mcdonald's dollar menu at breakfast.
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>> jimmy: well, hello there. thank you for watching. i enjoy your company. tonight on the show, a very funny guy whom you can see every week on the show "parks and recreation," adam scott is here. then, all the way from the united kingdom, with music from this album, it comes out april 26th. it's called "this modern glitch." the come baments from the bud light stage. tomorrow night, matthew
mcconaughey, jenna malone and we'll do st. patrick's day properly with music from young dubliners, so please join us for that. you know our first guest as a variety of people, including the target lady, aunt linda, penelope, and the church lady? no. you can see her now as a woman named ruth buggs in the new science fiction comedy "paul," opening in theaters friday. from "saturday night live," please say hello to kristen wiig. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> hi. >> jimmy: very good to see you. >> it's nice to see you. thank you for having me. >> jimmy: my pleasure. i watch "saturday night live" on saturday night -- >> saturday night. it's live. >> jimmy: i was remarking, not even realizing at the time because i was still on i have case that you were on the show
tonight, how funny you are and you play a lot of minutes. you're like the kobe bryant of that team there. >> oh, i don't know about that. it's a whole team of kobe bryants. a whole team. >> jimmy: you must -- do you like being in a lot of things or do you wish they would let you relax a little bit? because it seems like you must be running from room to room. >> no, it's great. it's -- i don't know how to answer that. it's fun to be in a lot of stuff, yeah. >> jimmy: it is fun. and let's go through some of your, the characters, because i'm interested in, because i know that probably a lot of these things come from your real life. >> some of them do, yes. >> jimmy: not all? >> no, some of them come just from sitting in a room with a writer, i mean, like, like, target lady, for instance, was someone that worked at target -- >> jimmy: was somebody that worked at target? >> i used my imagination with that one. she didn't leave while she was ringing me up or anything. it was more like the voice. >> jimmy: does this woman have any idea that she was the inspiration -- >> no. >> jimmy: where was this target?
>> it was the one in -- is it burbank? >> jimmy: there is one there. >> it was that one. >> jimmy: it was such a -- i just asked her directions and she said a street and she said, like, empire, or something like that. so, i was like -- i was like, your voice is crazy. so, i was like, i, yeah, so, that was that. i did that sketch at the grou groundlings. >> jimmy: i hope people try to find this woman. the employees probably know who it is there. >> well, i -- i made it up. she's not real. >> jimmy: do you ever go into target stores? >> yes, i do. but people always ask me if they know -- no one ever says anything. >> jimmy: really? >> i mean, they have wonderful customer service. they say, can i help you, but no one ever says anything. >> jimmy: all right, what about aunt linda. is this an actual aunt? >> that is not an aunt but she was someone that was on a plane with me a long time ago that was watching the movie that they
show on the plane and she was very confused by the movie and she had -- she had the headphones on and kept going, what? and she totally didn't get it. she's like, what is this? what is that guy? and i -- i swear i sat there and just watched her and was, like, writing down everything that she said. i did that, i did that sketch where i had her watching "the matrix," which had a lot of confusing -- >> jimmy: groundlings is a sketch comedy group. that's where you created a lot of these characters. what about the lawrence welk, the crazy, with the forehead and the baby hands? that's -- i love that one. >> jimmy: thank you. >> jimmy: that can't be a real person, though. >> i write that sketch with james anderson and kent and it really started out as, like, we
wanted to do this lawrence welk sketch because anne hathaway was hosting. i was like, what if i was kind of the weird sister. but we didn't think -- we kind of wrote in the description of me that she had a big forehead and little hands. but -- we didn't really think about it and then when we were like getting ready to do it, i remember they came up to us and they are like, do you want puppet hands and i was like, oh, yeah, the hands. i don't know, just from a doll or something and it sort of happened. it was kind of by accident. >> jimmy: they snapped the arms off of a little girl's doll. do you parents watch the show and comment on the program? >> they do. >> jimmy: they dosome. >> every sunday. >> jimmy: and are they positive? >> i would say, yeah, my mom didn't really like gilly. >> jimmy: and she told you that? >> she did. she said she liked the show, but she was like, oh, that, you,
that, oh, that girl you did, i just -- she did not -- she did not like her. >> jimmy: really? >> i think because she was, like, she, like, kills people. >> jimmy: yeah, well -- most parents prefer that their children don't do. that did they ever come to the clubs and see you, where it can get even more un -- i guess uncensored, than it would on television. >> what do you mean? >> jimmy: did your parents come to the groundlings? >> yeah, yeah, and the first time my dad saw me perform was, i was in a really small improv group called sane asylum. >> jimmy: improv groups have names like bowling teams. >> my dad came, it was just this, like, seats were crook and it sat like 20 people and i was doing an improv and, it was like
a super hero one, where the audience givens you who you are, like, what your powers are, and i was [ bleep ] girl. and my dad was in the audience. yes. >> jimmy: he must have been very proud. >> he was very -- if i just got bleeped, it was vibrator girl. >> jimmy: well, he would be blooep wlooep d [ bleep ] dad, then, wouldn't he? >> that's the worst thing you could say. >> jimmy: they should make that into little trophies and sell them at the souvenir shop next door. now this is your sixth year on "saturday night live" and you have to start thinking, am i going to set the record here, they would be happy to let you set the record, or, am i going to leave. are you nervous about that decision? >> i will always feel nervous when i do decide to leave because i feel like -- >> jimmy: in general? >> yeah, it's my home, it would be like leaving the nest. i'm not leaving now. >> jimmy: but you do have the
leave the nest or it gets weird. >> no, i don't. i'm going to be a 60-year-old woman doing gilly. >> jimmy: i looked at your website today and what a website you've got. this is the home page of your website. which is fine, because usually you can click through to something else but there's nothing else to click through to it. >> nope, that's it. [ applause ] >> jimmy: and it's not even -- >> that's it. >> jimmy: it's not even, um -- i mean, it's -- >> but the exclamation point makes you happy that you went there. >> jimmy: at the bottom it says, kristen wiig is not on twitter, facebook, myspace or any other social networking website. this is a great place for your fans to find out what you're not doing. >> i put that on there because i had a fake twitter account. >> jimmy: what were they doing, bad things? >> well, it's -- they didn't say
anything crazy, which almost made it worse because it really sounded like me but it just made me sound like such a douche bag. it was like, going to 30 rock, hope i think of a new character this week. and, like, one of them was like, if you dress up as any of my characters, take pictures and send them to me, a lot of yays and rock on and stuff like that. >> jimmy: did you squash that person? >> yeah, i killed them. >> jimmy: your website team? >> i didn't do that. >> jimmy: the name wiig, i mean, you know, we get used to hearing your name. but your name is wiig. >> i know, it's weird. >> does it mean something? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: you don't know? >> maybe, like, fake hair, i don't know. >> jimmy: maybe fake hair. >> my family were wig makers a long time ago. i don't know. >> jimmy: well, somebody will figure it out and you can post it on the website. >> perfect. i'll just have the definition at the bottom.
>> jimmy: this new movie is called "paul." it's science fiction comedy. tell us about your character in the film. >> my character's name is ruth buggs. very sexy name. not a stripper in this movie. and she basically is, she lives a very sheltered life, she lives with her dad, very religious upbringing. they own a trailer park which is actually where she meets simon and nick's characters because they bring their rv in there, and they have paul, the alien. and basically, i see, when i see paul, i kind of start questioning my faith and if he's real, is there god. >> jimmy: and paul is, like, what, a cgi alien? >> we got a real one. >> jimmy: you got a real alien? so, this is unbelievable. >> yeah, we had auditions for craziest -- i don't know what i'm saying. >> jimmy: you guys went out -- wow. above and beyond the call for this. >> no, it's cgi alien actually
voiced by the wonderful seth rogen. so that was very cool. >> jimmy: who is also an alien. from canada. and we have a clip here. do you need to stet the clip up? >> basically, when my character realizes that there's no god and there's no sinning that she kind of realizes she can do whatever she wants. >> jimmy: time to cut loose. >> and she's made some moves on simon's character because she thinks, well, i have to get going. >> jimmy: the movie is called "paul" and opens friday. >> when you kissed me yesterday, that was funny. >> sorry. >> so. i was like, get off me your rapist. no. you can do it again if you like. >> really? >> if you're going to try it, maybe you should do it with a friend, rather than someone like a stranger, because there's a lot of weirdos out there. >> well, i am planning on doing a lot. you'd really be helping me out.
>> great. >> jimmy: well, there you go. kristen wiig in "paul." thank you, kristen. we'll be right back with adam scott. re i started taking abili, i was taking an antidepressant alone. most days i could put on a brave face and muddle through. but other days i still struggled with my depression. i was managing, but it always had a way of creeping up on me. i felt stuck. i just couldn't shake my depression. so i talked to my doctor. he said adding abilify to my antidepressant could help with my depression, and that some people had symptom improvement as early as 1 to 2 weeks. he also told me about a free trial offer from abilify! now i feel more in control of my depression. [ male announcer ] abilify is not for everyone. call your doctor if your depression worsens or if you have unusual changes in behavior, or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. elderly dementia patients taking abilify
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our next guest is a very funny and versatile actor who's played everything from will ferrell's stepbrother to j-lo's gay best friend. you can see him now every thursday night on "parks and rex recreation." please say hello to adam scott. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's happening? how you are? >> i'm well. how are you? >> jimmy: doing well, thank you. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: you look very handsome. >> i feel pretty handsome. >> jimmy: you look it. your wife used to work here. >> she did. she told me that. i still don't believe her. but we haven't been back in a long time and -- >> jimmy: you guys haven't been around. >> but i'm happy to see that you made it back alive. >> jimmy: thank you, yes. i was in bora bora fearing for my life. >> that must have been
horrifying. >> jimmy: it was scary. >> jesus. >> jimmy: were you really worried or pretend worried? >> i was both. yeah. i can do both. >> jimmy: that's an amazing trick to pull off. >> thank you. >> jimmy: congratulations. first of all, "parks and recreation" is a great show. you guys made the cover of "entertainment weekly." tv's smartest comedy. you see the whole cast right there. everybody's on there. wait a minute. there's somebody missing from there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what happened? >> well, that bitch mother nature kept me on the east coast, i couldn't make it. >> jimmy: why? >> no offense to mother nature. >> jimmy: yeah. >> they couldn't of glued you in? >> no, couldn't do it. they had this big elaborate wonderful set for everybody and so so -- i was going to come and then i couldn't make it. >> jimmy: don't you think your cast members should have said, we're not doing this without adam? >> yeah, yeah, i do. >> jimmy: and yet they didn't. good news. this week's issue is out, and
guess what? you are every single person on the cover! [ cheers and applause ] as it should be. >> that is -- that is frightening. that is so scary. >> jimmy: it great to see the scott family back together again. >> oh, my god. that is horrifying. >> jimmy: this is real. this looks like it's something we made up for comedy effect, but this is this month's issue of "gq" magazine. and there's a lot of you there. >> yeah. [ applause ] pretty -- pretty light on my toes there in those photos. >> jimmy: yeah, maybe a little too light. i like the red pants especially. there's the skinny jeans theme going on there. how did this work exactly? what did they tell you? >> well, you know, this was the first photo shoot i had been to that was like -- it was like a photo shoot that, like, on csi
miami, if they go to a photo shoot. it was like -- it was like a british guy saying that i looked beautiful and they were like, people doing, like, working on my cuticles while someone is doing my hair. there's like, a big fan and someone's spraying water. >> jimmy: what was the direction you were given in this one? >> that -- they told me, try to be a total lame ass. >> jimmy: we're going to put you in a sailor shirt and we're going to give you -- well, you're not going to wear socks and maybe some topsiders and then we'll give you an umbrella to wield as if it's a sword. >> and i said, sure. >> jimmy: sure, why not? well, i don't blame you, trying to make up for it after getting stiffed by the people at "entertainment weekly." >> really. >> jimmy: it's a very good show. >> thank you, sir. >> jimmy: and you must be excited to be on it. it is hard to be a new guy on a group that's been there for a couple of years? >> i thought it would be, but everyone is super nice.offerman.
i've known him for awhile. he's a very kind of welcoming, warm person and he is also, like, a real man. >> jimmy: yeah. a rugged guy. >> he is. he's like the only person -- other than my dad, he's the only, like, real man i know, that actually makes stuff with his hands. like, most of my friends all they do with their hands is, like masturbate and play on the computer. but he, like, he has, like, a wood shop and he makes -- hi makes canoes, like -- it's really weird. >> jimmy: for what purpose? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: did he make you a canoe? >> well, actually, he texted me, asked me for my address, saying he had something for me. i was like, oh, he made me something. he whittled me, like, a bong or, like, some beautiful, like, i
know once for his wife he whittled a bouquet of roses out of, like, rare asian oak or something. so, i thought he was going to make me something awesome. so, i get home, i give him my address, i get home and on my front porch wrapped, a gift, was, just, the tv show "the bachelorette," just a calendar. yeah, that was like -- [ bleep ] you, man. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: women, it started as a tree. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you know what during the commercial break as we looked at kristen wiig's website. and that's not you. that's a golfer. >> that's like this -- speaking of real men. here is a guy, he can actually do things. >> jimmy: yeah, well, if things mean hitting a ball into a cup, yeah. he's like turning into a popular golf her now. >> he's huge. >> jimmy: you are going to have to destroy him somehow.
>> yeah, i got -- actually, i got mistaken for him at a hotel once and got treated really well. like, way better than i get treated. like, i now know what it's like to be the real adam scott. he gets, like, golfers have it made, i guess. >> jimmy: well, we learned that from the whole tiger woods thing. >> yeah, that's true. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's very good to see you. >> you, too, man. >> jimmy: please give my love to your wife. and -- >> i will. >> jimmy: adam scott, everybody. "parks and recreation" thursdays at 9:00 on nbc. we'll be right back with the combats. [ man ] on your mark...
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>> jimmy: hi there. this is their new album. it's called "this modern glitch." here with the song, "tokyo vampires & wolves," the wombats. ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh we're self imploding ♪ ♪ under the weight of your advice i wear a suitcase ♪ ♪ under each one of my eyes finally ♪ ♪ i now know what it takes it takes money and aero planes ♪
♪ if you love me let me go back too that bar in tokyo ♪ ♪ where the demons from my past leave me in peace ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh i'll be animated every night ♪ ♪ the grass'll be greener on the other side and the vampires and wolves won't sink their teeth ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh i'm sick of dancing with the beast ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh astrophysics ♪ ♪ you'll never be my closest friend i find no comfort ♪ ♪ on what my mind can't comprehend finally ♪
♪ i work out what it takes it takes money and aero planes ♪ ♪ if you love me let me go back to that bar in tokyo ♪ ♪ where the demons from my past leave me in peace ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh i'll be animated every night ♪ ♪ the grass'll be greener on the other side and the vampires and wolves won't sink their teeth ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh i'm sick of dancing with the beast ♪ ♪ no matter how much it needs me go follow someone else's lead ♪ ♪ if you love me let me go
>> jimmy: well, i would like to thank you for watching. like to thank kristen wiig, adam scott. apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. tomorrow night, matthew mcconaughey, jenna malone and young dubliners. this is their new album, "this modern glitch." it comes out in april. here with the song "techno fan," once again, the wombats. good night!
♪ la-la-la-la east london's not a bombsite it is a treasure chest ♪ ♪ we use our penguin costumes more than our evening dress ♪ ♪ she said i should come over though the music's not my type ♪ ♪ don't you know i'd chop a limb off just to have a good time ♪ ♪ shut up and move with me move with me or get out of my face ♪ ♪ da-da-da da-da-da i didn't queue for an hour to leave straight away ♪ ♪ da-da-da da-da-da shut up and stay with me ♪ ♪ stay with me or let go of my hand da-da-da da-da-da ♪ ♪ the lasers fill our m